The Toronto Star is reporting that the World's Oldest Living Moose Jimmy 'Elbows' Younker was struck by lightning yesterday at his King City home. Witnesses claim that Mr Younker was coming home after a tough loss at his hockey game when God decided to finally put an end to the feisty sexagenarian (yes, he will be called that for a decade now). After trying many times to put Jimmy in the ground, God decided to finally send his only son Thor to finish him off.
What God, Thor and the coroner hadn't predicted was that Jimmy had previously stopped off for a few rusty nails and a hot tubbing to cool down after the hockey game. The mix of alcohol, chlorine and hockey sweat was ignited by Thor's lightning hammer and transformed Jimmy into the shirtless red behemoth pictured here (only artist rendering available as Star photographers were killed during the clash).
The melee, lightning and the fact that Jimmy's heart rate was going 88mph caused him to travel back in time to the days when he and Toe Blake were going double dutch on a sweathog in DogFuck Alberta, which at the time was the capital of the province. Both Jimmy's quickly dispatched with Toe and finished off the lovely young lass, making Jimmy the first man to ever have a threesome with himself. Yet another artists rendering was discovered in the archives, though the meaning of PFWIP is still unknown.
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