Turbo does FLOOR ICE!

We all know and love Turbo! He is a man's man. Some would say that isn't too cool in a dressing room full of straight dudes, but for Turbo, he could be in love with a sheep and a Macau monkey and we wouldn't mind, well kind of. Turbo had many endearing qualities that makes him a valued member of the Wounded Moose. He always pays on time and is usually the first to, which in Matt Kelly's books, that makes him the Captain. To the rest of us, not at all. Recently, Turbo took his legendary status to another level with what we like to call "Caveman drinks beer from glacier ice"

As you can see in this series of photos, Turbo goes from discovering beer frozen in a block of ice, to chiseling away at it with such precision, that some of us wonder if he is indeed human. Now, I know what you are wondering, and yes, I can answer for you. You are wondering if Turbo learned how to get beer out of a block ice while studying interior design (I think he is an interior designer, he always remodels his basement on the computer...). In short, NO. Turbo did not learn it in his academic pursuits in a post-secondary establishment, but rather in the dark and twisted underworld of shag carpeting.

Yes, Turbo used to be involved in shag carpeting. Why you may ask? The Turbo was a confused individual growing up, and as such, experimented with many different carpet varieties. For a while, he was a big fan of Saxony carpet. For those that don't know, Saxony is very similar to velvets but not quite as smooth. It has a soft texture created by twisting fibres tightly, then straightening the yarn with heat. What initially turned Turbo on to this (retains foot and vacuum marks) ultimately was the same thing that turned him off. He ventured away from the cut pile carpets into the world of Loop Pile carpets, which include the famous Berber, Cable, and more economical Sisal. While Turbo would spend his nights with his Berber varietals, he would meet an unsavoury character who would bring him back into the cut pile variety of SHAG carpets. This seedy underworld of Shag followers would freeze their beer in blocks of ice. Why? They knew that their cut pile carpets were more durable then any loop pile variety, and so would make sure no one would be able to take their beer from them as the loop pile carpets would rip when bashing the block to get to the beer.

Luckily, this story has a happier ending then what it could of. While being initiated into the gang of Shag carpets, Turbo spotted a car. Not just any car, but a car that would forever change Turbo's life! I will fast forward, but the essence of the story is that Turbo broke himself free from the carpet world to the world of really intense yellow painted Audi's. Some might say this was a step back for Turbo, into another dark world of fanatical cult members who post all day on forums about who has the best after market throttle body mounting gasket in their car. All we know is that Turbo retained some of the lessons of his past, and has saved many a beer. To this, we raise a bottle and cheer Turbo, former Shag carpet cult member, current I would bang my Audi if I could leader!

Cheers Turbo!