BREAKING NEWS: DJ Trout Releases First Single

Up and coming Dub artist DJ Trout is making a splash.  On Friday, DJT released his new single, 'FU25' on Myspace.  Check out the new tune here and stay tuned for more from DJ Trout!

25 tied for most points on the Wounded Moose!

That's right gents, going into the first game of the season, 25 is on the top with most goals and assists, tied with some esteemed company...

7:45pm this Wednesday we take on The Black Sheep (insert Younk's politically correct comment here).

At some point Matt Kelly will relinquish control of the main site over to me and I will have the link updated as soon as it comes live...but until then, please click here to see our schedule!



http://www.pointstreak.com/players/players-team.html?teamid=309466&seasonid=7184YOUNKER BBQ will be in full effect after the game!

Moose Niagara 2011 Photo Gallery

Congrats, here's a collection of photos from the tourney.

Turbo and JSB Being Accused of SLANDER!

The Wounded Moose Blog (WMB) sat down in the "upper decks" with 16 to discuss the recent upper deckering of Turbo and JSB.

WMB:  Wow is really the only word that came to mind when we heard the news.  What was your first reaction to hearing that Turbo and JSB had independently self Upper Deckered themselves?

16:  I couldn't believe it, who does that to themselves? Well I know they just saw 2 Girls and a Cup and maybe that had something to do with it.  It sickens me to think they would ...

WMB: It sickens you to think of an upper decker?

16: NO! If you would just let me FINISH talking, I was going to say, it sickens me that Turbo and JSB would make up SHIT about others doing this to them.  I know for a fact they both took the most perfect double tapered shits.

WMB:  So you are saying that Turbo and Stevens are being pussies about this and their plan backfired?

16: Helllllzzzzzzzzzz YES!  Look, I didn't get this hat for free, I earned it.  That means I KNOW what I am talking about when it comes to the UD!  When kids were collecting Upper Deck baseball cards, I was trading for George Brett rookies and giving them Upper Deckers in return.

WMB: What about the impending law suit that is apparently being considered against Turbo and JSB for slandering the good name of some very good and wholesome Wounded Moose players?

16:  I hope they go through with it.  When you take someones name through the shit, you have to be prepared to back it up, and well, we know they can't.  Sue away boys! Furthermore, don't you find this totally against the fabric of being a team player when you start accusing others for your own short comings??

WMB:  So what do you think should happen then?

16:  ROOKIES FOR LIFE!!!

The Mystery Of The Upper Decker...

One of the most bewildering parts of the "Epic Winning" tournament in Niagara Falls was the mystery of the upper decker left in the room of all-star forwards Jay Stevens and Steve 'No-Longer-Rookie-For-Life' Myska. Investigative journalists at thewoundedmoose.com have reconstructed the events according to eye witness accounts. Here is an account of their findings:

The evening began at a group trip to The 9th Floor Keg in some beautiful hotel I can't remember. The team gathered to celebrate the 60th birthday of tournament captain Jim Younker, Internet legend and wine connoisseur. We had a great meal, just a great fucking meal. This is where the trouble began.

Post-meal, the team posed for an uncomfortable photo in front of some trees blocking the actual Niagara Falls. After some hugs and high-fives, most of the group decided to donate a few hundred dollars to the wonderful people at Fallsview Casino. A few decided to return to the hotel for early bedtime in order to be fresh for the big finals Sunday morning. These people are obviously not responsible for anything else that might have occurred and have been omitted from the rest of this investigation.

Investigators secured this document from a trashbin at the crime scene. Obviously the criminal was not only brilliant and cunning, but chauvinistic and brash enough to leave a document promoting the crime. Amazing.

Then investigators moved on to the evidence at hand. It was surprisingly slim and runny, much like that of a small child. This led investigators to the break they'd needed all along, and after conclusive DNA testing, the poopetrator has been identified.

Steve 'Criminal-Mastermind' Myska sabotaged his own toilet in order to frustrate his roomate Jay, therefor throwing him off his game and stealing all his ice time. He used the baby poop from his new child, samples he collected while missing game 1 of the Chesswood Championship. This can be verified by our top scientist, Jason Cohn PHD. We consider this matter now closed, no revenge will be necessary.

Top Ten Reasons for missing Wounded Moose games....

#10.  I fell asleep and by the time I woke up it was over.

#9.    I forgot my skates at home and didn't pack them in my bag.

#8.   I was busy banging a sweat hog, 'cause surely you wouldn't miss the game if it was your trout.

#7.   I don't have the "Inter-Web"

#6.   Getting Toe Fucked in China

#5.   Teaching call centres in India how to answer a phone.

#4.   Videotaping / Drinking at curling events.

#3.   Having yard apes.

#2.   Trying to make a point to the trout, which in the end is utterly useless.

and the #1 reason to miss a Wounded Moose game, in fact, to miss a Wounded Moose CHAMPIONSHIP game...... drum roll please.....

Wounded Moose win the CAN/AM Niagara Falls Tournament!

Game 1

Wounded Moose 5  Shamrocks 4

In a tight battle, the Wounded Moose were able to edge the penalty laiden Shamrocks 5-4 courtesy of a 3rd period goal by Jay Stevens at 11:24.  Stevens, who earlier took an unsportsmanlike penalty for diving, regained his composure to take a pass from Younks and slide the puck home.  Other notables saw Rookie (Sturgeon) tie the game up at 1-1.  In the surprise of the game, Russ "Interweb" Klein scored from a beauty pass from Meneksas to make himself relevant.

Goals: Sturgeon, Klein, Vezina, Nugent, Stevens

Vez Attempts the GB Kokomo's Maneuver!

In what can only be deemed a sign of respect, Vez attempts to recreate the amazing GB-Kokomo's Vegas story!  Only Vez knows the ending, but one thing is for sure, he get's an A for effort!  Rumour has it that as he tried to make his way back from the Keg where he met a bunch of friends for a great meal, a GREAT F'ING MEAL, Vez started to walk back to the Ramada where he was staying and literally sh-t himself.  Luckily, Coach Aldo had a spare pair of pants, although they were bigger than what Vez needed.  In the end, Vez made George Brett proud!

Game 2

Wounded Moose 5   Old Devils  1

After a close battle in their tourney opener, the Wounded Moose settled in after a night of tenderloin and cruised to a 5-1 victory over the Old Devils from Hanover, ON.  Wounded Moose veteran and recent returnee Damian Lastoria was the games first star with 2 goals, including the game winner.  While our very own Johnny Van played a great game (screwing up the shutout), the Old Devils keeper Don Lewis was peppered with 49 shots from the Moose (versus 22 on Johnny Van).  With the victory the Wounded Moose guaranteed themselves a Sunday game to fight for either the whole shabang or 3rd place!

Goals: Lastoria (2), Vezina (2), Stevens (2), Meneksas


Game 3


Wounded Moose 7  Oilers  7

With both teams 2-0, this was being billed as the championship game before the championship game!  Both teams needed a win, or face the fate of potential tie-breakers to decide if they would get into the final show!  The Ajax, ON Oilers looked dominant in both their games, outscoring their opponents 10-3 previously to the game.  The Moose came out flying with a 2-0 lead on the backs of goals by Horbatuk and Lastoria, but this was countered by the end of the 1st with 2 from the Oilers.  The Oilers continued that into the second with a quick goal, coming just 0:40 in, clearly taking advantage of the resurgence at the end of the 1st.  That lead didn't last long as Sturgeon scored and Lastoria scored his team leading 4th goal of the tourney. The back and forth play continued and the Oilers Curtis "I bend over for many" Badowski took one to many penalties and saw himself tossed from the game.  Not to be outdone, Russ "interweb" Klein got himself an ejection for taking on the reject from Ajax.  At the end of the game, the score was 7-7, shots were 37-35 in favour of the Moose.  In true fashion, the grudge match on Sunday will declare the champion!

Goals: Horbatuk, Lastoria (4), Sturgeon (2), Meneksas (2), Vezina (3), Myska


CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

Wounded Moose 4  Oilers  0

Oh all hail THE WOUNDED MOOSE!!!!  Champions yet again, this is becoming a grand tradition! Defending their Niagara Falls title, the Moose were thrilled to win, and DOMINATE their opponents from Ajax, ON.  After having them tie it up in their last meeting, the Moose decided to exact their revenge and utterly dominate and get the shut-out.  Superstar J. Van Tuenenbroek earned his shutout and got the Moose the metal!  The improved play from Lake Placid is being rumoured to be due to a lack of our #1 fan, Frank, being in attendance giving the thumbs down to our goalie. In the end, Coach Aldo lead the Moose to another victory and got a contract extension immediately following the win for a 25 year term.  Congratulations to The Wounded Moose and we look forward to greeting them back at Chesswood this summer where they look to continue their amazing play!

Congrats boys!!

Goals: Stevens (3), Vezina (4), Myska (2), Nugent (2)

Duh, #Winning

The Moose have ascended to the top of the Chesswood Mountain and claimed the championship after a long, hard-fought playoffs.

While the Moose have endured suspensions, injuries and blatant coasting, no one could have expected them to survive the weak stomach of Rookie-For-Life Turbo Steve Myska.







Turbo attempts to rid himself of lifetime rookie status by ingesting a teaspoon full of HOTTER THAN SHIT hot sauce!

After playing end-to-end hockey and battling the marital restraints of his championship lifestyle, one can only feel sorry for the turbulent stomach that exists inside of the Wounded Moose's hairiest member. Here is the unfortunate shot of the contents of his turbulent stomach.

25 Makes a Game Day Announcement!

Join 25 for an important announcement before tonight's championship game!

Which New Father Is Likely To Bail From Niagara Early?

One Week From Niagara Falls

With Niagara Falls tournament only one week away we want to make sure that everyone knows about the strict dress code going into this event. First of all, we will be rocking the new brown Moose uniforms as much as possible. In the event that we have to wear the white ones, we will stain them with the blood of our enemies.

More importantly, the official Moose suit will be mandatory for those wishing to attend Morgan Matthews' seventeenth annual bachelor party on Saturday night. They include President's trophy sweater, Moose chapeau, dark navy sweatpants and inappropriate footwear. Here is curry enthusiast The Vez modeling for the camera.

If you do not have a President's trophy sweater, there are alternatives. You can wear Chesswood Arena, Wounded Moose or other tournament gear when out on the town, but do not under any circumstances pull the shit that the goalie thinks he can get away with. You will be turned away at the door of Jimmy's BBQ Emporium.

Finally, although outerwear can make or break your ability to hang with the Moose in Niagara, the most important piece of attire is what you wear in the dressing room while being interviewed by the press. Thankfully, Jay Stevens has got a great example of what we expect to see you wearing during the six o'clock news, and I'm sure if you don't have something like this Niagara gift shops can help you out.